Seasons

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

With the changing of seasons, we are able to experience cooler weather here in the Phoenix area. What a blessing that is for me! When I reflect on the seasonal shifts we have, I am reminded how God places our lives in different seasons as well. God grants us times in our lives that outline very specific responsibilities.

Young men and women in their teen years are in the season of preparation. It is their time to glean wisdom and learn new skills. As this foundation is established, the season changes and marriage typically takes place. Time passes and for many, babies begin to come. New fathers are called to provide for their families. New mothers have been literally handed the task to raise up that precious bundle like no other person in the world can do. It is a season to nurse and swaddle. As time goes on, the child’s growth and development alters the role of the mother in the day-to-day responsibilities but they stick together. The child continues to mature and eventually leaves home and the mother finds other roles to fulfill.

What breaks my heart is hearing frazzled mothers sharing how stressful life is when trying to juggle two seasons of life at the same time. Of course it is hard. I have been there. I recall when we conceived Zachary that there was no notion of my work ending. It seemed as though I had the perfect position as a preschool/ daycare director where I could enroll him in the Infant Room just down the hall from my office. Little did I know the bond between a mother and her newborn could be so strong. The separation was heart-wrenching with tears shed nightly wishing I could just stay with him. One of the worst moments I experienced was walking past the infant room and observing a trusted staff member spanking another baby. Of course, I took care of the situation with disciplinary action but that didn’t resolve my feelings of discontent.

Time passed and my husband was able to relocate us to a more affordable location to allow for my staying home. It was incredible! Zachary and I had wonderful moments together while God knit together his brother in my womb. I wish that I could share that my season of motherhood remained devoted but it did not. We found ourselves at a crossroads when Brad decided to leave his church position in order to direct a self-supported speaking ministry, which involved my taking on a career working from home. It seemed like the best of both worlds. I could work intensely during the naptime hours and stay up late at night to complete the work. It worked for a few years but the responsibilities grew and my pride swelled up as I found myself moving up the ladder in the organization. I quickly found myself excusing the fact that I was working 8-12 hours a day in our home office with the fact that I could just do it for a bit longer and then I would be able to cut back once the savings account had more cushion. My faith did not rest in God’s provision- it rested in my career. Not only that but I enjoyed the “attagirls” that I received from working. How often do children send their mom’s Target gift cards or bonus checks to show their appreciation?

As the days wore on with this hurried pace of working, cramming in homeschooling and managing the home as a wife and mother I found myself exhausted. I wasn’t enjoying anything because I was never in the moment. When I was schooling the kids, my mind (and sometimes my body) was going through all of the projects that I had for work. I could sit down and read aloud a book to the kids but not remember one word that I spoke since I was mentally in another corridor as my mouth spoke. I often said that I felt like I was running a marathon but never actually moved ahead.

Brad and I had several discussions on this and he often told me that I could quit working if I wanted to but I admit it was always my lack of faith and pride that kept me in the working world. I remember praying to God asking Him to make it plainly evident when/ if I needed to step away from work. Without going into all of the details, God granted my prayer and placed me in a very uncomfortable position that allowed me to release my grasp from the ladder of career advancement. It was a quick action to make but one that had been contemplated for years.

I have been full-time mama for about 3 months now and I feel so blessed. I am at peace in my role as mother. I no longer harbor the “mommy-guilt” or “career-guilt” or “wife-guilt”. God placed me in a season to care for my children and love my husband right now.  Seasons come and go. I want to enjoy these days while I have them. When leaves begin to fall from the trees in autumn we can’t go around picking them up and pasting them back up on their branches just because we missed seeing them turn red. The same can be said of our children- I can’t reverse their growing up years. Seasons pass and new ones begin. May I always embrace the season that God has placed me in.